Fear Turns To Gold

A therapeutic fable

This is the story of Nadine, a little girl who isn’t allowed to play very much, and the aunt who arrives one May with carnations, gifts, and a poem about a gold snake.

It’s a story about what happens when the things we were taught to fear turn out to be something else entirely, and about the small, brave acts of reaching towards what frightens us.

Nadine didn’t get to play very much so she loved it when her Auntie Layla came to stay. Auntie Layla was fun, passionate, and exotic, everything that Nadine’s parents weren’t.

One day in May Auntie Layla arriving wearing red, carrying pink carnations for Nadine’s mother and gifts for Nadine: a beautiful hairband, a teddybear, and some gummy bears that she wasn’t usually allowed.

‘Auntie Layla’, cheered Nadine, wrapping her arms around her Auntie. She smelt of a rose perfume and possibility.

The next day Nadine and Auntie Layla sat on a picnic blanket together in the garden. They played make believe and Auntie Layla read Nadine stories of mystery, intrigue, and lost treasure. In a rare moment of silence Auntie Layla asked: ‘who do you want to be, my cherished Nadi?’

‘I want to be a doctor,’ said Nadine.

Auntie Layla suspected this was Nadine’s parents’ wishes not her own.

‘I don’t mean what job do you want. I mean, what do you want to experience? Where do you want to go? What do you want to feel?’

‘I’m happy here, I don’t want to go anywhere.’

‘Oh,’ said Auntie Layla, ‘why is that then?’

‘I’m scared,’ said Nadine, her voice quiet, her lip trembling.

‘It’s normal to be scared, my Nadi. But to be scared doesn’t mean you die. Listen, I’ve got a poem for you. It might sound a bit scary at first, but I promise you it will be okay. She recited the poem with expression and excitement.

There’s a snake that lives under my bed

He’s gold and bold

A slithery tongue and slithery skin

He’s a pest, a test: don’t let him in.

There’s a snake that lives under my bed

He’s going to hurt me

At least that’s what they said

He hisses and fizzes and slithers around.

Just stay still and you won’t be found.

‘Stop that infernal nonsense now!’ it was Nadine’s father from the deckchair behind them.

‘Stop filling Nadine’s head with this rubbish. She’s got homework to do. Nadine, go and do your homework right now.’

‘But I’ve done my homework!’ said Nadine.

‘Don’t talk back to me. I said go to your room right now.’

Nadine scurried inside, tears rolling down her face and went up to her room. After a few minutes she had the courage to stand silently at the top of the stairs. She could hear the harsh whispers in the living room and could just about make out some of the words.

‘She’s cooped up here all the time…. Doesn’t have any fun…’ said Auntie Layla.

‘….bad influence…. She’s not your child….’

‘Nadi,’ called Auntie Layla ‘I’m so sorry, I must go. I love you.’

‘Bye Aunt Layla,’ called down Nadine. The tears were gone. She was numb.

Over the next week Nadine tossed and turned in bed every night. She was scared that there was a snake under the bed. She did her homework, went to school, said please and thank you to her parents. Every time she thought of Auntie Layla, she pushed the thought away. She probably wouldn’t see her again.

A week later during some snatched moments of sleep Nadine had a dream. She dreamt about a gold snake. She was scared of him, but he was beautiful, and he seemed quite friendly. ‘Look under the bed,’ he hissed.

Nadine woke up with a start. She knew there was only one thing for it. She braced herself, switched on her light, got out of bed, moved the valance aside, and looked under the bed. She could see a piece of paper with Auntie Layla’s handwriting on it. Nadine’s eyes widened with joy and curiosity.

My darling Nadi,

I am so sorry to leave so soon. I love you very much and I hate to leave you. I’m going to find a way to see you soon, but in the meantime, I wanted you to know the rest of the poem I was reading to you. Nadine felt a little scared reading the beginning of the poem but she trusted Auntie Layla so she knew it would be okay.

There’s a snake that lives under my bed

He’s gold and bold

A slithery tongue and slithery skin

He’s a pest, a test: don’t let him in.

There’s a snake that lives under my bed

He’s going to hurt me

At least that’s what they said

He hisses and fizzes and slithers around.

Just stay still and you won’t be found.

There’s a snake that lives under my bed.

One day I snapped and asked, ‘why do you want me dead?’

The hairs on my arm stood on end

I held my breath.

A tear tripped from the eye of the snake.

‘I do not wish you death.’

He said:

‘I wish you healthy transformation and a golden future.’

He hisses and fizzes and slithers around.

There’s a gold snake in my dreams and he keeps me safe and sound.

Remember: not all snakes bite and some fear is okay.

Lots of love,

Auntie Layla

With a newfound boldness in her body, Nadine quietly but surely crept downstairs and let herself out of the back door to watch the rising sun. She thought about Auntie Layla, the red fabric she wore and the gold snake. She could smell the roses in bloom.